Sodium-Tumbl

In honor of Father’s Day being this Saturday, below is a list of some of the great advice my own father has given me over the years.

• A true lady never buys her own drinks.
• The point of poker is to win. If you’re not winning, you’re not doing it right and you need to get better.
• Ladders are best used to assist you in reaching something higher up than you are tall. Don’t waste the ladder by using it to reach something lower than that.
• Hanging picture frames is easy: Just make sure the frame is large enough to cover any extra holes you drilled by mistake.
• Whiskey cures all ailments.
• If you’re going to do something, try to get paid to do it.
• If someone ever threatens you, tell them to fuck off. Then run. Preferably faster than they can.
• The best way to greet anyone is with a wink and a kiss and a loud “LOVE YA BABE stay beautiful.”
• As long as it’s edible, your recipe succeeded.
• Never settle for anyone less attractive than you.

In my dad’s defense, most of the more offensive ones were probably jokes.